Thursday, August 18, 2011

Introspective Thursday

I've mentioned that my life is pretty usual.  I might even ponder using the word "simple."  But the honest truth is that whose personality is ever simple?  A single person can spend their entire life analyzing their own mind only to find doors that still remain closed. 

I've spent my entire life struggling to grow up.  Again, not unusual.  And now that I am the age of 25, which is such a young number but feels significant to me, I finally feel grown up.  I have a job that I've retained for over three years now, a husband whom I've been married to for three years as well, and a daughter that I've nurtured for well over a year.  But have I really grown up?

During the course of a conversation with my dear husband, he pointed out the root of my growing up problems ("now don't get mad") that I tend to skip from one thing to the next.  He summarized the root of my problem, not knowing that it would stimulate all of this deep thinking, by saying that I get bored or tired off repetitive things.  Now that is certainly true of my teen years and I can still see it today.  I easily tire of the daily grind.  I constantly want new and exciting projects to keep me busy.  There is a fair amount of repitition in being a mother- feeding, changing diaper, feeding, bathing, repeat.  There is also a lot of repitition in keeping a house with sweeping (I loathe sweeping because it needs to be done so often!), cooking, washing, folding...  Get up and get ready for work, work, come home, dinner, bath for baby, bedtime.  Sure there's a lot of stuff in between that varies from day to day, but sometimes I go out of my way more than I should to find a distraction from the daily chores.

Farming is a lot of repitition.  I honestly think that it suits my husband well.  He takes pleasure in simply doing what he has done for most of his life and will probably continue doing for the rest of his life.  Growing up, I hated doing barn chores because it was always the same thing, sometimes done in a slightly different order but usually not.  Milking was the worst!  Sure the cows are living beings and will always through you a loop, but there is always the repeat repeat repeat.  But I think he likes having the constant daily list of things to be done.  He knows what to expect and appreciates that.

I wish I could be so easily content.  My job has the advantage of never being the same each day.  I work with people, and people (did I mention already?) are never simple, nor are they ever boring.  But I do miss my daughter, who I must admit does add a fair amount of spice to my life! 

So maybe I haven't gotten the hang of blogging yet because this is turning into a novel of self-analysis that anyone else reading will probably find pretty boring...  But like I said, this blog is probably 90% for me!

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