This weekend Eric and I went to a wedding. Actually, Eric just met me at the reception after he finished up some chores. This was the first night he had "off" of work for about a year. I'm guessing, because I've really lost track. So I wanted to enjoy the evening.
My first instinct was to leave Anna home. She is at an awkward age where she isn't walking quite yet but wants to be independent. So I knew the evening would be rough on her. But my entire family was going to be there and they all wanted me to bring her. So I did.
But she didn't want to be held and didn't want to crawl around (not that I was that thrilled about her crawling around with a dress on). She didn't want daddy and she didn't want grandma or grandpa or her aunts, at least not for any length of time. We sat down to eat and she didn't want to eat. She basically was a bear. And I can't really blame her! She'd had one 45-minute nap, and there were strangers and loud noises.
Everyone could see that I was struggling to keep her happy. And I was struggling to keep my emotions under control. I was fighting back tears and was getting really frustrated. And then one of our friends swooped in and offered to take her for a stroll around the room so that I could eat. But instead of making the situation better, I just felt like I was a failure at keeping my toddler happy. So I burst into tears and convinced Eric that we needed to take her to his mom's so that she could watch her. So we gathered our little cinderella's things, unintentionally leaving behind one of her shoes, and hurried out the door before I burst fully into tears.
To make this story shorter, because I am struggling with some morning sickness at the moment, I cried, we took her to his mom's, I recovered, and we went back to the reception. I wasn't able to fully relax or stop thinking about Anna (and how I wish things had turned out differently), but we did manage to have fun talking to some friends. And danced a little.
The moral of the story: mommies feel like they have to do everything in their power to make it all go right, but some things just aren't going to. And sometimes mommies need a bit of time to themselves to just enjoy the moment. And pregnancy hormones can be a real pain in the butt!