Nervous second time around

The past week I've really started thinking about the delivery of this baby.  Now that I am 25 weeks along, just past the point of viability if this baby were to arrive early, I find that I am focusing on when our dear baby make her arrival.  Will she be early?  Will everything go as planned until I reach 40 weeks and my scheduled delivery date? 

Since I had some bleeding in the beginning, it has felt to me like this pregnancy was going to be different than my run of the mill textbook pregnancy with Anna.  But contrary to this feeling, once leaving the first trimester behind, everything has gone as planned.  But I can't shake this feeling of worry. 

Every ache, every pain, every cramp reminds me of contractions.  And I've had a lot more this time, which are explained to me as Round Ligament pains caused by stretching.  I cleaned vigorously on Saturday while getting ready to have sixteen wonderful family members over to celebrate my birthday.  After cleaning the fridge, freezer, and under the sink, sweeping, mopping, and dusting, I felt like I'd run a marathon and my back felt like someone was stabbing me with every motion.  Sunday evening I thought my water was leaking, but I think it was normal pregnancy yuckiness.  I didn't dare tell my husband, because I don't want him to worry.

I think the worry stems from two things:

A. I've been through all of this before, but my first pregnancy I was more focused on all of the changes occuring within my body and how I was going to deal with adjusting to mommyhood.  This time, I know what to expect but I am left thinking more about the "what if's."

B.  I've loved a darling little girl for all of her 19 months of life plus the 9 months I carried her.  I know how intense my feelings are for my daughter, and I therefore know how devastating it would be to lose this baby.  I haven't met her yet, but I love her and I love the possibilities she brings to our family.

I know that I've got to let my concerns and fears go and trust that God will guide us through this pregnancy just as He did last time.  Perhaps recognizing my fears for what they are will help me to let them go.

Day #3

Friday was Day #3 of trying to get our picky eater to eat something (anything!) new.  I sent all "new" foods to challenge her palate in her lunch box except for a banana, which she never refuses.  Jennifer, our sitter, tried them all but the only food Anna ate that whole day was the banana.  That night I kept her busy with Elmo videos and toys and kept trying the peanut butter and fluff sandwich that she refused at lunch.  Still couldn't get her to eat.  And this was after going to bed hungry two nights in a row and barely eating all day.  I think she would starve herself rather than give in!  Eric called in from the barn to ask what was for dinner and suggested that we just eat pancakes.  I agreed because I knew at that point that we had to re-evaluate this plan.

I ordered "The No Cry Solution to Picky Eating" on my kindle (LOVE MY KINDLE!) and started reading before making our pancake dinner.  The author reassured me that picky eating is normal, especially from 12 months on.  It has caused parents endless stress for many years, and there are a lot of techniques out there to deal with it.  Pantley suggests not to overly stress over every meal, to try something new each time you feed your child, and to make meal-time more fun and engaging.  There are "sneaky chef" recipes that I doubt that I will try in case all else fails.  I decided after  doing some reading that I'll continue to try to introduce new foods, but not while restricting her intake.  Meaning, every meal will feature new foods, but there will be something that she WILL eat with it.  Pantley says that a picky eater might refuse a new food 10-15 times before finally trying it.  What I was expecting of her might not have been totally realistic.  And there is no overnight or one-week solution to picky eating. 

So Friday night, as  we sat at the dinner table eating our pancakes, I reflected on this whole tribulation.  I realized that as long as I am a parent, I will face challenges like this one.  I also realized that I have to listen to my heart and if a plan of attack is not working, I then need to re-evaluate.  Since beginning my journey as a mother, I think I've learned more from my daughter than she's learned from me.  And I think that is a neat part of parenting.

Day #2

Last night was our second attempt at getting Anna to eat what we are eating for dinner.  On the menu for the night was sloppy joes and green beans.  Again, pretty kid-friendly I thought.  Well, she sat in her chair for a minute or two and then started crying.  Instead of scarring her for life by forcing her to sit there longer, I let her down.  I figured I would try again.  I tried five or six more times to get her to eat from her plate, either with her sitting in her chair, sitting on my lap, or running around.  She didn't eat a single bite.  She went to bed hungry.  I think she really understands what is going on though and it is a battle of wills.  She walked into the kitchen twice with her hands reaching up to the counter saying "please?"  It's breaking my heart!

I realize that I need to set some goals:

Goal #1:  Have a nice, quiet sit down meal with Anna at the table eating the same things that we are eating.
           Objective #1:  Force Anna to sit in her booster seat at the table for longer and longer periods of time each night.  Last night she sat for approximately 2-3 minutes.  I will work to extend each night by 1 minute until she can sit with us for a full meal.  Consider only feeding her meals in her chair, instead of wherever I can catch her at the moment.
           Objective #2:  Introduce new foods at breakfast and lunch at daycare.  We have to consistently keep trying new foods, not just at dinner time, or else I think she will fill up on her normal foods during the day and go hungry each night.
           Objective #3:  Keep firm at night.  If she doesn't eat it, she goes to bed hungry
           Objective #4:  Limit milk intake to 15 ounces per day.  The rest of her fluids should be from water and juice (not currently drinking juice).  This might help her to eat more food.
           Objective #5:  Keep reasearching and reading!  Ask for advice and help from family and friends.

Reading Material:  Just Take a Bite.  http://www.amazon.com/Just-Take-Bite-Effective-Challenges/dp/1932565124/ref=pd_sim_b_1

Food Wars

This is like Part II of my blog.  This blog is starting to evolve.  First stage:  Introduction to "Ginny's Happy Family."  Part Two:  "Food Wars."

Parenting seems to be the hardest task I'll ever undertake.  And I've hardly put a dent in my "parenting career."  My biggest concern at the moment is making sure my darling daughter is eating both adequately and nutritiously.  Today's doctor's appointment was the catalyst to finally doing something about her picky eating habits.  The doctor is not worried about her weight and height, although she is in the 8th percentile for weight and 24th for height, and my little peanut is healthy.  We talked about my concern about her eating habits.  The doctor agreed that this was a concern.  She suggested that I stick to my guns, and if she refuses what I put in front of her, let her go to bed hungry.  I've resisted for so long because I knew she was small and every bite counts.

Typical Anna Food Day:  half a pancake.  Snack:  banana.  Lunch:  yogurt cup.  Dinner:  1 1/2 chicken nuggets or half a slice of pizza. 

Let's document what she WILL eat first:

Fruits:  bananas, grapes, apples (but not always)
Vegetables:  corn, peas, beans (but not always)
Protein:  yogurt
Carbs:  pancakes, waffles, french toast, crackers, cookies, sugary stuff

Now let's begin a list of what I wish she would eat consistently, for starters:  peanut butter and jelly, cheese, eggs, meat, casseroles, mac n cheese, sandwiches.  Is this so much to ask?

I understand a toddler is picky, but we are seriously lacking in the protein department.  Not to mention the biggest issue is that she won't even TRY anything.  We'll sit down to dinner and she'll immediately start fussing if she's looking at something that isn't on her "safe" list.  I give it a shot for a few minutes.  I let her out of her high chair/seat.  I fix her something she will eat for dinner.  I admit that I sometimes have just fed her what I know she'll eat without even trying our grown-up dinner because it is easier.  And I blame it on being tired from work and just not wanting to face the tears.  My soft bleeding heart hates those tears!

Well tonight begins "food wars."  I will tell you about our emotional disaster of a dinner, then I'm going to do some research, and then I'll report back what I've learned and hopefully implemented.

Tonight:  I started off easy on myself.  We were going to have fish sticks, tator tots, and peas.  A very toddler-friendly meal, right?  I place all of plates on the table.  Eric comes in for dinner. We sit down and I buckle her into her booster seat and pull her right up to the table.  She starts crying immediately.  Full-out crying.  Not even a little whine.  I let her cry for at least 5 minutes, which seem like an eternity before putting her on my lap, both of our plates in front of us.  I'm eating my dinner with a crying baby in my lap.  She is trying to get my attention by pushing my head back and forth and wrapping her arms around me.  I finish eating.  She is still crying and I know that this isn't going to turn out well.  I make more attempts to get fork near mouth but she is obviously too upset to swallow anything.  I put her down and start clearing the table.  She clings to my legs.  I sit with her at the table, again trying to get her to take a bite of anything.  She is hysterically crying.

At this point Eric says to put her to bed immediately.  It is almost an hour before her bedtime, and I cannot stomach the idea of taking her right up to bed in this state, with an empty belly.  She hasn't eaten since 2pm (late lunch and possibly part of the problem, but goodness she should be at least a little hungry!).  So I stall, but it is apparent that she isn't going to settle down.  I start dishes, with her clinging to my leg and crying.  I make one final attempt at food, this time at the couch where I sometimes let her eat and roam the living room, taking bites between play time.  She's too upset, now, and my heart is breaking.  I start to tear up.  Eric comes down from his shower and he is still in favor of putting her to bed right away.  At this point, I have no idea what else to do.  She seemed somewhat interested in her sippy cup but wouldn't drink, but wouldn't let me take it away either.  So upstairs I go with her, sippy cup in hand.  I try to do the nightime routine of vitamin drops and brushing teeth, but she wouldn't allow me to do either of those.  I change her diaper, pull her pajamas back on, and turn out the light.  She is still gripping that cup with a tight clutch, and I try to pull her to me in a hug.  She is still crying and so am I. 

I lay her down with her two favorite stuffed bunnies and leave the room.  She cries for a second more, but by the time I am downstairs again she has quieted.  I am fully crying and I feel guilty.  I finish my dishes, and decide that I want to get this all off of my chest.  I am then going to tackle this like we did sleeping.  After some reading, we decided to give Cry it Out a try.  CIO worked for us and it was like magic.  Within three days she was sleeping through the night.  Those three nights were the hardest nights I'd had to face, but I have a feeling that worse is yet to come. 

There's got to be a method out there for improving a toddler's eating habits.  And I'm going to find it and share it with you, dear blog and possible readers.

So here is my mission.  Watch me set forth.

Pink!

Our 20 week ultrasound brought excellent news that the baby is healthy and growing right on track.  And although we were hoping for a little boy this time around, we got the wonderful news that Anna is going to have a little sister!

Eric wasn't sure if he wanted to know the baby's sex or not.  For months I have been bothering him for an answer:  do you want to find out if it's a boy or girl?  He'd reply that he had mixed feelings.  He still didn't know on the drive to the doctor's office.  Still didn't know when we went into the ultrasound room.  They did an internal ultrasound (big shock!  They never did one with Anna and I totally wasn't expecting it.  Good thing I had somewhat attempted to shave my legs, although I haven't done due diligence with my upper legs in months).  Then they did the regular ultrasound and took pictures of what they needed.  All parts necessary were there and she was all stretched out with her legs out straight and her arms up by her head.  Just like how I sleep.  Finally the technician turns to us and asks, do you want to know?  Eric looks at me and asks what I think.  I told him it was his decision and that he knew that I wanted to know.  But it was his decision completely and he was going to be the one to say yes or no.  He finally shrugged and said, go ahead and find out.  I still think that he had mixed feelings about it and it stems from not wanting to be disappointed that this was another girl. 

The technician said, it looks like your daughter is going to be a big sister.  I cried a little, not only because I was holding on to a little hope that this was a boy, but because it is an emotional moment where your entire expectation about what this little one was going to be changes.  I quickly got excited about another girl, and Eric handled it very well.  I think he is still disappointed and desperately wants to pass along his last name and heritage to a son, but he already loves this little girl as much as I do.

We told family immediately.  Some were obviously hoping it was a boy, too, but all were excited.  I can't wait to meet her!  I know that she will be close with her big sister, Anna, and that they will have the type of relationship I had with my two younger sisters.  I am also very practically happy that we can re-use all of the girly clothes and toys.

Weight gain:  20 pounds (already!)
Current cravings:  Still craving anything and everything.  Been eating a lot of Christmas cookies lately...
Size of baby:  As long as a carrot.  U/S tech didn't give us an actual size but she is measuring exactly on track for my due date.
Current mood:  Pretty good.  I wake up at night often but I fall right back to sleep.  My energy levels continue to be high.

First Trimester Over!

This week marks week 14, which officially means that I am through the first trimester.  I am thrilled!  I HATE first trimester!  I am starting to feel much better and my energy has returned.  I no longer stare at my messy rooms with despair.  Of course, I still have a lot of work to do around the house to get things in shape!  I noticed a cobweb in the corner of our living room yesterday that is just glaring at me.

Pregnancy perks:  snacking privileges!  I've eaten so much junk lately it's ridiculous.  Halloween candy was out to get me! 
Pregnancy woes:  I found out at 12 weeks that I have placenta previa, which is causing some spotting every now and then.  The doctor said that it is likely to change.  Brief science lesson that you didn't really want:  the placenta right now is covering my cervix, which is not a good spot to be!  Nothing causing stress to my cervix is allowed- meaning no sex, no lifting, no exercise, etc.  Ok, all bearable.  And at this stage in pregnancy, the placenta has a great chance of moving up and away from the cervix as it grows.  I get to have an ultrasound every 4 weeks to monitor it.
Stats:  weight gained so far- 5-7 pounds, depending on the day.  So far, I am doing much better than the first time around.

Non-pregnancy related updates.  Anna continues to amaze me!  She's just learning and growing tremendously.  Yesterday I took her to the barn as we usually do after getting home from work.  The cows were in the holding area waiting to be milked.  We can get right up close to them standing behind some metal gates.  Close enough for her to reach her hand out and touch their noses.  One of them was particularly interested in us, and each time Anna touched her wet slimy nose, she would burst into giggles!  Yes, a cows nose probably feels unusual to a little one!  Two of MY cows (emphasis my, since 99% of them are my husband and father-in-laws) just calved and had each a beautiful baby girl heifer.  A heifer is always preferable as they are raised to adulthood.  A bull has the unfortunate purpose in life to become meat. 

I'm really enjoying life lately!  I am full of anticipation and excitement, and I somehow feel so much more ALIVE when pregnant!  Like two hearts beating in one body somehow makes life so much more real, full, and rich!

Sea Bands and Cartoons

Still nauseous.  And although I've only gotten physically sick 1 1/2 times (yes, I only gagged and couldn't get anything up but I'm still counting it as at least a half of a barf) I feel like I'm going to need to run to the toilet almost all day.  The only thing that helps is to eat.  I can't drink a lot of fluids at once or my stomach starts to bubble up.

I am not a big believer in homeopathic types of things.  Like accupuncture or herbs or incense or anything.  But I thought it couldn't hurt to try something (anything!) to get rid of the constant nausea.  So I bought some sea bands.  They claim that by putting pressure on a certain point on your wrist it prevents morning sickness and motion sickness.  I read the instructions but I still have no idea where the point is and it doesn't seem to be helping.  Oh well.

The only blessing right now is that Anna isn't full on walking yet and seems pretty content to watch "toons" with me on the couch.  I feel really bad that I'm pushing the tv on my growing toddler but at this point it is such a relief! 

New words said by our sweet little peanut:  "thank you." what does a donkey say?  "hee haw."  what does a chick a dee say?  "dee dee dee."  "shoe."  "puppy." Add these to knowing what a cow, sheep, horse, and owl say (among a few other animal sounds I'm not remembering right now), and "uh oh," "mommy," "daddy," "sadie," "pee uuuu," "ukk", "apple," "banana," and a few more random words.  I love how theres a new word each day just waiting for her (and I) to discover.

Sick and Tired

So I love that I am pregnant but I am not loving first trimester blahs.  I feel nauseous all day and the only thing that settles my stomach is to eat.  But I remember how much I gained in the first tri with Anna so I'm trying to keep that in check.  Yesterday was a bad day, though, and I swear I ate all day:  two pancakes, a cookie, a handful of cheese curds, left over stew from the night before, a brownie, salad, bowl of soup, more cheese curds, Arby's roast beef sandwich, a value-size jamocha shake, cookies.  Sounds really yucky right? 

Over the past weekend I had some light spotting.  I never had anything like this with my first pregnancy so I got really upset and nervous!  Yes, I had been pretty active that week getting ready for Visit the Farm Day, which is an event we have been planning at work for over 5 months, but I couldn't really remember over-doing it.  I called the doctor right away and they told me to rest and not work at the event.  So I was crushed!  I knew they needed my help and I didn't really want to just sit at home and think about what could be happening to the baby.  So I decided to go anyway.  And I was good; really took it easy and tried not to do any major walking/lifting.  When I got home I rested for a good two days.  I caught a cold so I rested another day and took a sick day from work.  I haven't had any spotting since so I hope that all is going well.  They did bring me in to the doctor's for an ultrasound and the baby looks great.  Official due date is May 10th!

Tears!

This weekend Eric and I went to a wedding.  Actually, Eric just met me at the reception after he finished up some chores.  This was the first night he had "off" of work for about a year.  I'm guessing, because I've really lost track.  So I wanted to enjoy the evening.

My first instinct was to leave Anna home.  She is at an awkward age where she isn't walking quite yet but wants to be independent.  So I knew the evening would be rough on her.  But my entire family was going to be there and they all wanted me to bring her.  So I did.

But she didn't want to be held and didn't want to crawl around (not that I was that thrilled about her crawling around with a dress on).  She didn't want daddy and she didn't want grandma or grandpa or her aunts, at least not for any length of time.  We sat down to eat and she didn't want to eat.  She basically was a bear.  And I can't really blame her!  She'd had one 45-minute nap, and there were strangers and loud noises.

Everyone could see that I was struggling to keep her happy.  And I was struggling to keep my emotions under control.  I was fighting back tears and was getting really frustrated.  And then one of our friends swooped in and offered to take her for a stroll around the room so that I could eat.  But instead of making the situation better, I just felt like I was a failure at keeping my toddler happy.  So I burst into tears and convinced Eric that we needed to take her to his mom's so that she could watch her.  So we gathered our little cinderella's things, unintentionally leaving behind one of her shoes, and hurried out the door before I burst fully into tears.

To make this story shorter, because I am struggling with some morning sickness at the moment, I cried, we took her to his mom's, I recovered, and we went back to the reception.  I wasn't able to fully relax or stop thinking about Anna (and how I wish things had turned out differently), but we did manage to have fun talking to some friends.  And danced a little. 

The moral of the story:  mommies feel like they have to do everything in their power to make it all go right, but some things just aren't going to.  And sometimes mommies need a bit of time to themselves to just enjoy the moment.  And pregnancy hormones can be a real pain in the butt!

Good thing Anna loves babies...

Good thing Anna likes to hold and kiss babies...  She says baby but she has absolutely no idea what she is in for!

How I pee'd on a stick

Here is the full story, for those who want to know all of these great, but way to personal, details:

I've wanted to start on baby #2 almost immediately after Anna was born.  I was thrilled about my new baby girl but I missed being pregnant.  Call me crazy.  And I had a vision of oodles of kids and I guess I was just plain impatient.

We didn't officially start trying until much later, after Anna turned one.  And it only took us two months.

I am pretty sure that I know exactly when I ovulated and conceived.  I took a test ten days later on a Thursday afternoon and it was a negative.  Then I bled a little the day after.  So I figured, Aunt Flow was in town.  Hence, my statement that I was definitely NOT PREGNANT.  I told Eric this, but he was convinced that it was too early to test and that I could still be pregnant.  I hate to admit that he was right...

By the way, I'm not very good at sensing that I am pregnant. For my first pregnancy, it was Eric who convinced me to take a pregnancy test just in case.

So anyway, I thought I had gotten my period, but then the very light bleeding stopped. 

(any men reading this have also now stopped) 

And I couldn't figure it out.  Meanwhile I was tired and felt like I had no motivation all weekend.  On Monday after work I decided I'd better take a test.  So I bought a 3-pack at the drug store after picking Anna up.  I went straight home and tried to pee on the stick.  But I had just gone an hour earlier!  So I thought that I missed the stick with what little I had and that the test wasn't going to work.  I even touched the end and it felt bone dry.  Disappointed that I would now have to wait until later that night until my bladder was full again, I put it aside and went through the daily routine of making dinner, eating dinner, and cleaning up dinner.  Eric went back out to do some things around the farm.

I went upstairs to give Anna a bath and out of the corner of my eye I saw the test sitting there.  It was upside down because I have this thing about not wanting to watch the magic of the test happen.  I picked it up and my jaw dropped.  It was a positive!  So I grabbed Anna and rushed outside and walked as fast as I could carrying an almost 20-pound baby over to Eric who was loading plastic into his skid steer.  I couldn't contain the smile on my face. 

Eric knew something was up and guessed it I think even before I could hold the test up.  "You're pregnant?" I laughed.  He gave me a big hug and the smile on his face was priceless!

Pregnant!

You know how I said that I was definitely NOT PREGNANT!  Well...

I AM!!!!